What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 05:29
Was to survive, this bastard.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
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They are buried together, in the same grave..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
When she asked me how she looked .
Why is there no evidence of a multiverse theory?
But it wasn’t much.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
If freedom of speech is absolute, how come it's not applied for private spaces and for the Internet?
It was going to be , some day.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What should every American know before traveling to the UK?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
What does success really mean to you? Is it about happiness, money, or something else?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
What are your darkest taboo confessions?
My family never makes their pension either.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why can't hot girls date ugly guys? I am ugly but I want an attractive girlfriend
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Who then, do I blame.?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She loved him until the end.
And i lived it daily.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Ive learnt so much.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why did i forgive my father ?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I think the readers, may guess!
She found it foreign!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I never cut or harmed myself..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was scared of men, in general
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was 9 years of age.
I could never make a relationship work though!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im still living with it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I said to her
She was in good health!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What did i know ?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Comes on , in middle age.
She married twice! .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
Put me off passion for life!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My life is so biszare .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He resisted the act ,that day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I will be 64.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So whats the point in blame.
I waited trembling.
I don,t even have a pension.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is soul school!.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was seconnd youngest,
He knew the spot.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Would this be the day?
I write beautiful poetry .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
All the time i was locked up.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was very sick at this time too.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We were not on the streets..
I have no regrets .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One cannot live in the past .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We all went to grammer schools
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)